Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
