I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
