The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
