Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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