Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
