we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
