Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
