Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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