I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
