i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
