i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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