There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
