You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
