well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
