There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
