he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
