I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
