best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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