even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I just sharted jello shots
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
