ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
