The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
