the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I supernannyed him into submission
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