My nipple is on Facebook.
only if we run a train.
done.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
