I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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