ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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