At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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