maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
