Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
