She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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