problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
