I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
