I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
