I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
