is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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