There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
