I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
