hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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