please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize