i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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