So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
