She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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