Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
