I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize