I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
