there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She told me I should be a condom model.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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