So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
