I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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