MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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