she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
