Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
