walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
