hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
