so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
