he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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