This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize