How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
