I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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