Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
