in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize