fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
