i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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