And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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