My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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