First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
