Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
