A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
