I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
