Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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