Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
