I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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