look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
