My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
